A Widow's Story

""What is happening to me? Am I abandoning Ray?"<br/><br/>This, albeit near the end of the novel, is where I suddenly, involuntarily connected with the widow's struggle, one of many. It seems so similar (to a death), seeing a husband off to war for a protracted amount of time. At least for me. <br/><br/>The widow mourns for so long.....and survivor's guilt kicks in over something as simple as the first full night of sleep after the loss of a spouse. She almost doesn't want it to happen (to sleep peacefully), although it's something she's wished for all along. I sure knew there were many times I felt guilty for sleeping soundly, when my husband could *not* over in Afghanistan. You don't want it to "get better" without him, you begin to embrace the martyr's lifestyle - but time inexorably takes that desire and sublimates it if enough time is allowed to pass between meetings. You adjust. Your solitary life is obscenely different and apathetic, but you adjust. <br/><br/>Once he's home and things are even *more* different, as JCO divulges: you learn to "still find small treasured things amid the spilled and pilfered trash."<br/><br/>Good book. I'm glad I kept reading. I hope JCO continues to heal."