Ice Planet Barbarians
LOST You'd think being abducted by aliens would be the worst thing that could happen to me. And you'd be wrong. Because now, the aliens are having ship trouble, and they've left their cargo of human women - including me - on an ice planet. FOUND And the only native inhabitant I've met? He's big, horned, blue, and really, really has a thing for me...
CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
Community ReviewsSee all
"Unpopular opinion time. Warning: if you enjoy this book and get offended easily please keep scrolling. Not suitable for kids or Barbarians with minor intelligence. And you in the back row with the delicate sensibilities, you might want to close your eyes as well this ain't gonna be nice.......small spoilers ahead.<br/><br/>As you can see I have jumped on the bandwagon. Ice Planet has blown up recently on booktok. Seeing as how my cousin and I like to read trash together every once in a while hearing about this constantly felt like a sign. After chapter one I realized it was a mistake and immediately got scared. Why? Because many reviews stated that it was indeed horrible but somehow the readers were well into the series. To be frank I thought I would get sucked in, bashed over the head by an unoriginal blue alien, and wake up in his cave on book 7. Luckily two hours into the audiobook I had no reason to fear. <br/><br/>The tropes are so often the same in Alien romances. And before you banish me to some random planet that luckily has gravitational force with a good oxygen supply, here me out. I practically have a check list. Oh and before I start a little secret.... alien romance are my jam. <br/><br/>(1) Insta love. Instant attraction or curiosity yes I understand two alien beings making first contact is a buffet for the eyes. Instantaneous love requires no effort and for that it's not deserved or even relatable. I honestly don't care if a parisite is telling you any different.<br/><br/>(2)Alien woman are scarse or infertile. It's just been done again and again. All the same plots blending together to make a "why did I even bother" smoothie.<br/><br/>(3) No character development. I am a reader, I need to grow with the characters, learn from them, hell even relating would be nice sometimes. Tell me one woman who if woken up with some blue guy between her legs would not immediately kick him in the face. And also let me remind you of the fact that the protagonist Georgie hasn't bathed in a few weeks and was covered in fecal matter after the ship crashed.<br/><br/>(4)Aliens becoming compatible with humans or vise versa. Good grief at the alien babies and the magical ways we connect with sentient beings from other galaxies. Parasites, alien technology, voodoo. *sigh*<br/><br/>(5) Infinite orgasims. Yes I've been informed that this is smutt don't patronize me. But when you read ten books with these same ideas you start to feel hopeless.<br/><br/>(6)Mr. Alien is always chief or top of the food chain while us little women are inferior. But we don't feel that way because the big brute is always taking care of our every need. Cue the baby maker magically equipment for all you smutty needs.<br/><br/>(7)Massive genitalia!!! Yeah well I got news for ya pal, if they're all hung then it just makes it normal size genitalia. Boooooom *mic drop*<br/><br/>So yeah I am well aware that I'm grumbling and this is suppose to be fun and enjoyable ****. But think about it why can't a book have a plot, sex, creativity, world building, character development, complexities and still be enjoyable? I'm the reader here I can demand to have it all. Writers have done it I swear it's possible so I'm not settling for well the seires gets better around book 9.<br/><br/>Learning languages is always pretty high on my favs list. Seeing the characters interact and piece one another together is wholesome and sweet. But like the insta love we also had insta technology and bugs to fix everything. And there is no need to mention it but I do out of habit, no world building here either. Mountains, tons of snow, and some caves. It's as bleak as it sounds.<br/><br/>Finally, I know right, the ending cue easy way out. Whatever plot was left was wrapped around a single piece of equipment, aka the tracking device. How were these primitive warriors going to save their mates when the aliens with brains came back? Because the women, with their hollow characteristics, are valuable cargo........ yeah I'm going to let you figure that ending out on your own. I'll give you a hint: think of the shortest route imaginable from point A to B. (A) being they are now in immanent perial (B) being and everyone lived happily ever after, the end. Let it be known that point A to B took approximately 3 min.<br/><br/>Ugh I'm not usually this feisty when it comes to book reviews. I don't get off on belittling an author or its readers. But this book has been shoved in my face for the past few months like I was missing out on an adventurous romance. I did my research and looked at reviews with praises everywhere. If someone didn't like it, 99% of the time it was due to the rape scenes. So I wanted to write a review to let off some steam obviously but also tell future readers that if you need a bit more than the norm you ain't going to find it here. Still me, myself, and I enjoy all the annoying tropes. Hell I'm not afraid to say Twilight started my reading conquests. But I need a story, some semblance of realism and relatablity, which if it also includes an angry hot alien I would be so down."